Hey Mom,

I hope all those pictures got to you.

I have like zero time at all.

Week in a bubble.

We looked for flats all week.  We've found a few good ones.

One of the Chavarrias is going to be baptized in a couple weeks. Iris.

Doctor says I'll need some surgery, but that I'll be able to sleep way better when it's done.

Missionary doctor wants to decide for himself.

Transfers are on Wednesday, we find out about them tonight.  I feel like I just got here.

I bought a backpack.  It rocks.

Elder Velarde doesn't need surgery.

I'm happy, but nervous about transfers.  I really really need Elder Velarde or another Spanish speaking elder, because the Chavarrias are not very good at English, and so I can't teach Iris.

We're not very close to the beach.  I haven't even seen it yet.  Just the Severn River.  But there are some really cool bridges that go across the Severn.

I live above a salon place called Inca.

Haha you hate your job. You were never really good at hiding it either.

You're getting married in the temple? For time?  I'm confused.  Explain that to me please.

I got my birth announcement.  I loved it.  Thanks so much!

You love not camping.  Almost as much as David. I say marry him for that.

What should I tell my Mission President?  I might be able to like Skype you that day or something.  What would you want?

Bremen.  Cool. I think. Does Brooke have to live in the East?  I was pretty excited to be best friends with her and Remy.

Can I have a girlfriend too? No? Tell Dad to put me on hold for about ten months.

Sometimes people think I'm Amish.  I'm not.  I love technology. Always and forever.

Sounds like everything is good!

Love you!

Colton

 This just about describes Elder Baker perfectly.  He goes home in a couple days

 Burning a shirt, and a billboard.  Both back in Wolves.

 Riding a lamb.

 More statue fun.

 Newport is straight behind me, and Cwmbran is on the left side of the picture.

On Mon, May 19, 2014 at 10:16 AM, Colton Reed Smart <csmart@myldsmail.net> wrote:

I think this is the coolest picture.  This on top of one of their "mountains".  But you can see Newport, Cwmbran, and across the Severn River is Bristol if you look hard enough.

 After the hike, a little fishing pond.  This place reminded me of home.

 Elder McFarland and I on exchange.

 Missionaries get bored sometimes at night.  This is a weightlifting bar, with a bunch of weights on it, all in the middle, and a board I found on the street.

 Elder Velarde doing it.

 We had a barbecue/bonfire the other week with all of our district.  We're doing it again today.

 Elder Dryden is one of the 70s that came when we got a new Stake President.  His son is in our mission, and Elder Velarde has served with him.

 Elder Wiser trying to feed a seagull a potato chip.  It would come up and take it out of his hand.

Elder McFarland (far left) he's in my mtc group, and he's from Bountiful

Elder Jones (tall guy) he's from Finland.  He and I get along really really well, and he reminds me a ton of my roommate Chile. I told him he could live in my house with me and my dog.

Elder Gibbs (wide stance in front left) He's from New Zealand, and is unreal rich, like brand new Audi A6 when he got his license.  He's a goofy kid.  I like him. I like our whole district.

Elder Velarde (hidden in the middle) My companion.  He's from Bilbao, Spain.  And he's a weirdo.  Hopefully we stay together another transfer.

Elder Wiser (in front, protecting his goods) He's from Ogden I think... Somewhere in northern Utah.  He's a really awesome kid.  Elder McFarland, Wiser and I talk all the time. We'll probably hang out at home.  If McFarland doesn't chase his girl out to Virginia. (Maybe you could hook him up!)

Elder Smart (no chin)  Your orphaned son, that you don't even invite to your wedding (I'm just kidding, stop freakin out.)

Elder Packer (next to me)  He's from Pleasant Grove, and he's the grandson of Elder Packer (senior). Yeah that Elder Packer.

Then Elder Smith, in his weird long tailed suit.  He thinks it's really cool.  I like him, but he's a bit weird.

This is a good district.  No sisters, no problems.

Hey Momma. Sorry about this email ahead of time. I feel sick. Muy infermo. I ate a lot of banoffee pie today.

We had a big fun district p day, that's why I couldn't email.

I'm excited to Skype this weekend. If you can jump on right at noon for you that would be perfect. Then I can talk for a couple hours. Cooooooool.

My cough. Bad news. I went in to an ENT specialist and he wanted me to come in for a CT scan. He thinks it could be blocked sinuses.. Which would apparently call for surgery. He said it was a really regular surgery and there's like zero risk involved. But I'm telling Sister Rasmussen tonight or tomorrow probably. Boo. I don't want people to cut open my face. We'll see what's up.

Other bad medical news. Some one in Tamworth I came to love a lot was diagnosed with lung cancer cause she smokes so much. Booo.

I love my companion, the Spaniard. You'll meet him on Sunday.

No progress with my Latinos.

 

Whoa. Cool people. I'm sorry. No enthusiasm. I'm so tired, and I'm somewhat convinced I'm dying.

 

I'm not dying.

 

The other bad news is my companion hurt his knee, and he's not supposed to walk long distances, cycle, or really do anything.  We still need to tell Sister Rasmussen about that too.

 

Bad news bad news bad news.

 

Good news: There's a way cool kid from Finland in my district, and we're bros.  He reminds me a lot of Chile.  (My tall roommate.)

 

Good Things Utah.  Madelyne's Mom was like a host for that for a while.  Madelyne Heslop.

 

Currently I hope you wish I was home most.  I'm a very jealous favorite child.

 

Cats.  That's more Adrienne's thing.  But I thought the story was funny.

 

Is anything going to be the same when I get home?

 

I think that's all.  I'm going to answer a couple more emails and then go home to bed. And maybe die.

 

I won't die.

 

I love you.

 

Love,

Elder Smart

Dear Mother,

Whoa.

Defensive.

I didn't mean to be offensive.  In fact, I really don't know why you were upset with my letter. I'm fine with you dating David.  In fact, I think it's really good for you.  I don't feel out of the loop, you seem to explain everything accurately.  I joke around, because I don't know how else to react.  Actually, I joke around, because that's all I ever do.  I've got Dad's blood. And perhaps some sick sheep.

To be fair, for the last few years, I've been your quote unquote "guard dog."  So the pictures throw me off a little, but I'm fine. I just bark at men sometimes. After all, Hank and Adrienne are brothers, so I think I'm related to him too.

On to the girth of the email.

So, I think you misunderstood me.  Some of the Chavarrias have been members for a long time, some were baptized a few months ago, and some aren't members.. yet.  Elder Velarde is the third Spanish-speaking missionary in a row to serve here.  I broke the combo.  But hopefully he stays here until he goes home in a couple of transfers, and hopefully by then the Chavarrias' English and my Spanish is up to par far enough that we can communicate if I don't get a Spanish speaker for my next companion. So Elder Velarde's last companion was Elder De Aguiar, and before Elder Velarde there was an Elder Gomez.  Technically I haven't officially asked if I can learn Spanish, but I'm going to be doing just that on Jueves (Thursday) at interviews.  Technically Elder Velarde has been doing his language study, and I'm just helping, so I pick up some Spanish.  Haha, but on Thursday I'm going to ask President if I can really dive in and learn Spanish.  It makes sense for him to say yes, because no one else in the ward here speaks it, and so Elder Velarde has to teach Gospel Principles on his own.  It would help him and the ward out if I knew Spanish.

Our main Chavarrian investigator is the Abuelo of the family.  He comes to church every week.  He has bible study every single night. I think he actually probably believes in the church, but he's very traditionally Catholic.  He'll come around to it, it's a when situation, not an if situation.

Then there is Carmen.  She is one of the three children of the Abuelo and Abuela of the family (who are divorced, but that's another story.) She has three boys, and a husband.  Two of her boys are members, and one of them is very disinterested, but I think Carmen makes him come to church cause he's there every Sunday.  Carmen however, had a very big falling out with her mother, and now refuses to be in the same room as her.  It was a physical falling out.  (Elder Velarde saw scratches all down Carmen's arms.)  Carmen will be baptized as well, but things need to be worked out between her and Anna Julia (Abuela) because Anna Julia is a very active member.  So Carmen will not come to Church.

You know what, I'll just give you the run down on the whole family.  So, Abuela and Abuelo are Anna Julia (Anna Who-Lee-uh) and Jose Rafael, respectively.  They are divorced, but on good terms, Rafael is remarried, but his wife is still in El Salvador.  Anna Julia is not remarried.  Those two have three children.  Dennis (Denise), Carmen, and Iris.  Dennis is married to Annabelle, and they have two little girls, Alejandre (8) and Victoria (Beekie) (3).  They're all members and they converted in El Salvador before they came here. Then Carmen is married to another Rafael, who isn't interested in the church at all. Those two have three boys. Emerson (17) who is disinterested, Alberto (14), who is an unordained teacher, and Harold who is eleven.  The only reason Alberto is unordained is because he wants his parents to be there when it happens.  But I think Abuela also wants to be there.  Conflict of interest. We're getting that sorted. Then there is Iris.  She has no husband, but she's got two girls.  Julianna (13), and she's a member.  Then Iris (7), who wants to be baptized, and will be next year. Iris the older is not a member, although she has a strong belief in God and Jesus Christ, and loves the Bible. She told the missionaries that if they mentioned baptism to her again, that she would stop talking to them.  She thinks that all religions are wrong, basically, and doesn't believe in organized religion as it stands.  I think she'll come around to it, but it  might take some time.

I think that describes them.  It took me a while to figure everything out.

Other investigators?  Not many.  We have one guy Sean, he's a foster dad, and I haven't been able to see him, but we have an appointment with him tomorrow.  Then, we got a new investigator Samson yesterday, who is already Christian, and a good guy, but we'll see how long he lasts.

I have read Granddad's book.  I read it when I was with Elder Shepherd, and when I was with Elder Wrenger.  So it was a little while back, but I love it.  There's so much cool stuff in there.  I think it's so awesome when he refers to Apostles and Prophets like they were best friends.  A lot of the ideas are awesome, and I really wish I had Granddad as a mission president.  But.. my mission president works differently.  

So, you could have a daughter named Brooke and a step-daughter named Brooke, both of which want to name one of their daughters Ruby, and one of them has done it.  How does Brooke (Elaine) think about that? I bet she's mad that other-Brooke beat her to it. And a new Colton?  Replacements? Ouch. Just kidding Mom. I'm just kidding.

DC looked pretty dang cool though!  I'd love to go there someday. 

Josh sounds cool! Maybe we'll shred sometime.  That would be pretty rad. (Translation: Josh and I seem to have similar interests and it seems I would enjoy spending time around him.  Perhaps, even, we can go snowboarding together.  That situation would be quite nice.)

Wales is great.

We went up into the mountains last week, and it reminded me a lot of home, and it made me pretty trunky.  It took me back to when me and Dad would wake up super early in the morning to go fishing, and drive out to the Provo River to his secret spot, and we would wade all the way across the river and he'd carry me, or if the river was too high or fast, we'd have to hike in about a mile and a half, cause the spot was that good.  And we'd just spend all morning talking and fishing, and hanging out together.

I miss that guy.

Stop crying.

I'm going to stop in Cardiff and see if I can't find a suit one of these days.  I'll look for shoes too, but a suit first.

Oh yeah, and I haven't stopped coughing yet.. so I'm going back to the doctor after interviews on Thursday.  I'll keep you updated, this one is just to get a referral to another Ear Nose and Throat specialist, because I think my last referral was for a doctor in Birmingham, and that's ages away now.

Aaaaandd finally, it is Breea that went to Paris.  She'll be there until August.  Then she's coming home.  It's crazy that my grade is starting to come home off their missions now.  Steve (Big Steve on my football team.) is on his last transfer I'm pretty sure.  He went out right after we graduated.  Like June 10th or something.

Anyways.. I think that's all.  I should be on the computers for the next little bit.  I'll be replying to the grand multitude of emails in my inbox.  Tell Jordon sorry.  He emailed me wayyyy back, and I still haven't gotten back to him.  I have a lot of catching up to do.

I love you!

Oh and yes.  I will be skyping you on Mother's Day.  I'll have times and things to you post-haste.  That'll be my second-to-last time.  Weird.  Get this.  There's only one more conference before I get home.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  

Actually don't.

Love,

Elder Intelligente

Newport!!

It's sooo much better in Wales than in England.  Don't tell anyone from England that I said that though.  Wales is really where I got called on my mission.  It's amazing here.  We live on the top of a flippin mountain though.  There's so many hills here, it's insane.  I forgot that land could be anything but flat. Non-flat land is so much better. I realized how much I miss my real mountains.  A lot.  Wales is close though.  They call their big hills mountains.  And a lot of the time, when I'm walking up one, I'd have to agree with them.

Granddad is very right.  People actually say hello back here!  How crazy is that?  I'm pretty sure that they even consider us to be humans over here.  That's pretty much heaven.

I'm in a small ward called the Newport-Gwent ward.  There's probably about sixty or seventy active members here, and there's two sets of missionaries. Me and Elder Velarde and then Elder Wiser and Elder Smith.  So in the same ward, there's an Elder Smart and an Elder Wiser.  Pretty good, right?

Do you remember Limhi?  He was my Branch Mission Leader in Leamington?  Well he comes from a family of thirteen kids, and quite a few of them reside in this humble little ward.  In fact, basically everyone has some kind of tie to the Sommerville family.  His wife's parents live here as well.  Small world.  His brother is the Bishop here and is a really great guy.  

So, my new companion is Elder Velarde, from Spain.  He's been out on his mission for about 21 months now, so I think I'll probably be killing him here.  (He'll be finishing his mission here.) (Have you caught on to mission lingo yet? Or do I need to keep interpreting myself?)

Get this.  There is this family of El Salvadorians in our ward here that were baptized not too long ago, and all they speak is Spanish.  They have fourteen in their family and they're all in the same house (multi-generational), and about eight of them are members.  So we're working really hard with them.  They had to flee from El Salvador because of some political uprising apparently.  I haven't really asked about it, mostly because I can't.  Which brings me to my next point.  I'm learning Spanish.  It's going to be so dang cool.  Technically all non-English speaking missionaries are supposed to do language study for an hour a day, but generally when they get to the point of fluency, they stop doing it. (or if you're Elder Wrenger, you just refuse to do it, because your English is "perfect.")  Anyways, Elder Velarde has had a Spanish elder as a companion for the last transfer, and apparently really only spoke Spanish for the majority of the time, and so his English is a bit rusty again.  But he's more than needed to interpret for the Chavarria family, and to teach them all Gospel Principles. So.. for the time being, I'll be helping him fine-tune his English, and we'll be teaching the Chavarrias English, and I'll be learning Español from both of the parties.

The Chavarrias have a bunch of young children, the youngest of which is three years old and her name is Vicki (Beekie), and she looks exactly like Dora the Explorer.  She is suuuuuper cute.  She's a lot like a I think Remy is.  Absolutely insane.  I love it.  Than there are two little seven and eight year old girls that are in love with me. When I shake their hand and say Buenos Noches they hurry and kiss my hand. Haha oh well.  They are the best family though.  I'm super excited to get to know them.  We're going to baptize the rest of them, and all their refugee friends too.  And I'm going to have to know Spanish.  And fast.

It's getting warm here, and all the flowers and stuff are coming out.  I should probably start taking a bunch of pictures for you.  I've been pretty bad at that lately. They'll get to you eventually.  But Wales is the beautiful castle-spotted land that you imagine when you think of England.  When we come back, we might be spending a little bit more time over here than in Englaterra.  

I forgot to mention the bike situation.  I found out that I was coming over here to Wales.  So instead of having a lot of time to shop around for a new wheel, I just went and got one so that transporting the bike wouldn't be hell.  Because transfers already are pretty bad, so a bike with one wheel would probably be the worst thing on Earth.  So I just bought one.  It cost me like £60, so I'm sorry.  I'm still trying to figure out how to fix my bike, and I have to get to know the members around here before I start asking them about welding I think.. but Elder Velarde's bike is out of commission to, so we're just walking lately.  And honestly I might die if I try and ride my bike around here.  When you come here you'll understand.

So as for logistics.  If you send me post to the mission home, I probably wont get it for ages, because the mission home is now like a two or three hour drive away, and the Zone Leaders only go like twice or three times a transfer.  So when you write me all your beautiful hand written letters, send them to my flat.

The address is:

242A Stow Hill

Newport

South Wales

NP20 4HA

You can look it up on google earth if you want.  But it wont look like much from the ground level.  It's technically three stories though.  Although the first floor is just a landing.  But the flat is massive.  And super run-down.  Haha, it's one of the flats that have been in the mission for ages, and missionaries have absolutely destroyed it.  Which is exactly what I like.  We can see Bristol and Cwmbran from the top, and the curtains wave when the windows are closed.  Haha, oh well.  It's really a good one. At least, in my opinion.  You'd think it was a total dump. And it is. But that's nice. And I can put my arms all the way out or even over my head and I wont touch both walls.  It's great.

Life is really really good.  I'm super happy to be here, and I think I'm only going to get happier and happier.  

I love you.

Love,

Elder Smart

(or ¡Elder Intelligente!)

Hey Momma,

 

I'm glad you got the call from Brother Dowling!  I told him to ask if he could talk to Remy, cause I thought that he'd like to talk to her, but it sounds like he said something else.  Oh well.  I did tell him to tell you that I love you.  And he's lying about Tuesday.  I refuse to say chooseday.

 

Yeah, I'm in the same stake as him.  It's all part of Lichfield Stake.  I'm at the farthest west that I could be in the stake boundaries, and Tamworth is like an hour's drive ish from Wolverhampton.

 

Conference was so sick!  You should be really really excited about Priesthood session.  It was probably my favorite so far.  I haven't listened to the last session of conference, but I will soon.  Probably my favorite talk was Elder Holland's.  Surprise, surprise.  I think he should share Brother Brigham's nickname.  I think Elder Holland is a great Lion of the Lord.  He's just the man.  Period.  But I loved all of conference.  It was all good.  I was hoping a little bit that they would announce a temple in Birmingham, but alas, it's not meant to be. Yet.

 

The week was good.  Strange, but good.  The zone leaders had to move this week, and had to be out by Friday afternoon, so they called us on Thursday morning and asked if we could come help.  When we got there, they had done close to nothing, so we stayed there all day and helped them clean and get things sorted.  They bought us McDonalds.  Which is good because McDonalds Monopoly is on right now and I'm tired of waiting for an iPad so I'm just going to win one instead.  Or a Mini Cooper.  Either way.  I also went on a really really good exchange with Elder Turney who is one of the zone leaders.  He's a really good guy, and we had a good talk.  His Dad has an unreal past.  He spent something like fifteen years in prison for pretty much everything except rape or murder.  People in the slums of London apparently still know his name, and are pretty scared of him.  But he came out of prison, went to rehab for his drug problems, fell in love with one of the girls helping him, who was a less-active member, and then married her.  A few years later her granddad sent the missionaries over and his dad got baptized and his mom was reactivated.  Since then, he's served as a bishop and has done all sorts of drug-related inspirational firesides and he's like the head of the addiction recovery in the UK or Europe or something.  Really really cool.  Apparently he's written a bunch of books.  Look up Bob Turney.  I bet they're some dang cool books. It might be Robert Turney, but look up like Bob Turney LDS or something.  I'm sure you'll find him.

 

Not much happened this week.  Sad news: Matt and Hailey texted us and told us they didn't think that this was the time for them in their lives.  I think they thought that if we came over than we'd just persuade them to join our religion.  Good news: I had a really strong feeling when Elder Bednar was speaking that I should leave like a box on their doorstep with all our materials and just explain that I know that it could really benefit them in their lives, and just bear testimony and tell them I know they're supposed to be sealed as a family in the temple.  Because I do.  That's the coolest thing.  So I hope that my prompting will punch them in the face with the Spirit.  Pray for that.  Maybe use better words.

 

Our Indian Pharmacist is still really cool, but he hasn't gotten his answer, so nothing is really happening.  We've taught him the big three lessons, but I really don't think that teaching him about the Law of Chastity or Tithing or the Word of Wisdom will help him right now.  He needs to know that God exists and loves him before any of that even remotely matters.  We're going to try and help him stop smoking.  It'll be good.

 

Why on earth didn't you let the boy just puke in your rubbish bin?  Haha, "when I decided he wasn't lying.."  I think the rule on that is just believe him the first time.. always.  Unless you want him to ralph on your shirt.

 

The challenges are kind of dwindling.  We got a bit behind, and then saw that the sisters in Wylde Green had done every challenge and gotten every bonus point, which meant that we couldn't do anything to win, so we just stopped.  The challenge was to have a thumb war with some one on the street, and I doubt we'll do it.  We've lost.  Wah wah.

 

Most of the trees are in bloom, and now it's started to rain again.  Usual.  Oh well.  Life's good now.

 

I remember seeing some real dog-poop cleaning services advertised at the vet when we went last.  I bet you could get some one that would actually do it instead of the little boys that never did it.  Then you wouldn't have to clean anything up, and Hank could poop to his heart's content.  Which is probably a lot.  I miss having a dog.  I would love to have him over here with me. Alas, no pets.  Although, at the moment we have a pet spider.  We feed him flies.  The mission does weird things to you.  I'm going to be like the birdman of Alcatraz when I get released.

 

I went suit shopping and I found one that I liked, but they only had it in one size too small for me.  I was majorly disappointed, because I was set on buying one that day, and then after I had decided on that one, all the other suits paled in comparison, so I just gave up that day.  It'll happen eventually.  Stop worrying about it.

 

I think I'll be getting transferred out of Wolverhampton after this transfer.  I think they'll have Elder Baker die here.  (Finish his mission here.)  President basically only lets the APs choose their last area after they're done being APs, and only if it's an area that's struggling, and they have to train a new missionary or get a really dead companion.  I'd love to go back to Tamworth at the end of my mission though.  I think that would be amazing.  I'm hoping that if I move this next transfer that I go somewhere either far in the east or far in the west.  So either Lincoln, or Nottingham, or Cardiff or Pontypridd in Wales.  I want to get out of the flippin Midlands.  That's all I've seen of my mission so far.  A change of scenery wont hurt either.  It's easier to step up more if you get moved.  And that's what I want to do.  We'll see what happens though.

 

Life is good right now though, and I think I have a clear mind for the first time in a long time.  I don't have to worry about anyone other than my investigators and the Lord, and really I think that means I only have to worry about my investigators.  I've been thinking a little about my life as well, and I've been thinking about a few things.  I'm not sure about what I want to do when I'm older, but I know it's going to require a lot of math and science.  My original plan is to do aerospace engineering and help design planes or parts of planes.  But I've been thinking a lot about brains as well, and how cool I think they are.  So Neuroscience sounds interesting to me.  The other weird thing that I've been thinking about is kind of in the middle of the two, and it's working on prosthetics.  I think it would be the coolest thing in the world to help design a hand that could be controlled with brain waves or help a deaf person hear for the first time in their life.  I really like the idea of making a difference in people's lives for the better.  I think that was what I loved most about the Philippines and regardless of what I end up doing in life, I hope I'll get the chance to do a lot more humanitarian aid.  That was amazing. Mom, I love the Philippines.  We should go over there and I'll show you the tiny village I was in while I was there.  Flip.  I'd go back to that in a heart beat.

 

The goal this week is to find three new investigators.  Pray for that.  Uncle Steve told me that at the end of his mission his mission was baptizing 1500 a month with 80 missionaries.  That's unreal. Our mission is doing really really well to get like 50 or 60 a month, and we have almost 300 missionaries.  I don't think England and Mexico are very similar.  Haha, oh well.  Three investigators is what we want by the end of the week.  I think we can do that.

 

Anyways.  I should probably write to some other people.

 

I love you Mom!

See you in a bit!

 

Love,

Elder Smart

The Momma,

Flogged is having an appointment, sometimes even confirming it via a phone call, and then showing up to the address and nobody is there, no note or anything.  We even had one a few weeks ago that we confirmed, knocked on the door, nobody answered, we texted the guy, and he responded and said he was home, we knocked again, and still no one answered.  Ultra-flog.

Pretty much we get whipped.  It takes a whole lot less time to tell us to get lost when we try and set the appointment up.  But no.  Many people give us fake details, or sometimes real details and then don't show up.

We weren't able to do the First Vision a million times.  Monday night we went out to find a homeless guy in city centre.  We found one, and talked to him for a bit, tried to gear things towards the first vision, and then he told us he had to puke, and then he walked to the street and did.  So hard.  I almost did as well.  He told us to get lost* (*not really his words, but I'm a missionary and shouldn't be repeating his words.)

Do we have homeless men?  I don't think I'm even going to answer that question.

We have a Stop Smoking Program, and it's actually really cool.  It's all about turning off the bells as they put it.  Apparently when you're addicted to smoking, certain things make bells go off in your mind, and the only way addicts know how to turn them off is to smoke (or whatever you're addicted to.)  So the whole program is about turning those bells off, instead ignoring them like most other programs do, or dampening them like patches and stuff does.  It's pretty interesting, but it works.  Some of the steps are like brushing your teeth the second you wake up, and before and after every single meal. Also, drinking grapefruit juice after every meal.  It's basically like saying all the things that make you want to smoke, we're going to replace with something that you don't currently do.  And won't trigger the bells to make you smoke.  Instead of having a fag after tea. (That's having a cigarette after dinner.) They'll have a glass of Grapefruit juice that won't remind them of cigarettes in any way.  There's fifteen steps and most of them are weird like that, but apparently something like 90% of people that do all of the steps for a week will be totally off cigarettes, and wont have the bells anymore.  That other 10% will just take another week of the program.  Pretty cool!  Plus some of the steps are like pray, or cut out tea and alcohol for the week, so it's a good introductory to the Gospel.

Wednesfield.  Like Wednesday but instead of day, field.  You can see a lot of degradation in British English.  This place apparently used to be called Wodensfield.  Then it slowly turned into what it is now Wednesfield.  If you say Wodensfield 20 times in a row, focusing less and less on what you're saying, it turns into Wednesfield.  Same thing with the pronunciation of Birmingham.  We say Burming-Ham.  Here they say buh ming umm.  But I've realized that we didn't totally get rid of that in American English either, for example say the name Brigham.  Weird.

I did burn a shirt on Thursday.  It was fun.  And it was a crappy £5 one that I bought that was too small.  So don't worry.  I'll send pictures sometime.  Not today, cause I forgot my old camera, which I use as a card reader.  Sorry!

Okay, so I looked up Elder 'Toshira' (Tuh Sheer Uh) and his name is actually Elder Jose A. Teixeira.  Sorry.  Now look him up.

I'm not sad you sold Nigel.  I'm very happy in fact!  I don't want him back.  I loved him, but I also want something that doesn't feel like I'm dragging my butt on the asphalt.  Haha that was a good sentence. Megan and Houston are just the favorite cousins that I'd like to have him.  He's even quite experienced driving up Sardine Canyon.  Even in a snowstorm.  Did I tell you I did that?  Probably not.  Oh well. I did.  It was awesome.  He was a beast, and tore right through the snow like I had chains on.  Thinking back, it was probably Dad.  Haha how's that for your daily heart attack? Remember, I love you.

We don't have much time, but for your information I am going to look at suits today, and I even prayed last night that I'd like one enough to buy it.  I might have a little time later, but probably not.

Happy Mothering Day yesterday, by the way.  The British have to make everything sound a bit creepier.  It's their Mothers' Day.  Elder Baker skyped since he's going home like a week after American Mothers' Day.  That's when I'll be skyping you.

I'm stoked for Conference this weekend though.  We don't watch it from our couch though.

Thanks for telling Ange Happy Birthday, and tell Rem thanks for facetiming her.

I love you!

Have a great week!

Love,

Elder Smart

Hello Mother!

This week was good weather and bad missionary work.  We went out and got work done, but then got cancelled on or flogged by everyone and their moms.  That about sums up the week.  But hey, the sun's out, and I'm enjoying life.

To answer your questions:

It's Spring here.

I feel relatively better, but not by much, but I can't tell if that's because of allergies now.  My nose wasn't stuffed up for a few days when I was on the amoxicillin, and it's not as much now, but I have the occasional cough (five times a day?), so I'm not super sure what's wrong with me.

We are not winning the contest anymore, but we will.  We didn't get one challenge because we got cancelled on.  The challenge was to get a new investigator, and we rescheduled this guy three times, and finally he said he'd get in touch with us soon. Boo. Our appointment was for yesterday at five, and he cancelled at four.  The challenge ended at nine.  Lame.  The new challenge is to recite the first vision to five different people and we get a bonus point if we do one of them to a homeless man. Ha.

No Matt and Hailey updates.  One of these weeks I'm just going to send pictures of us and them at their baptism though. They're that close, even without being taught.

Pal is still good.  He couldn't come to church yesterday because he was working.  (He's a pharmacist.) But we're meeting with him tonight, and we're going to show him how to stop smoking.  By the way, I can totally coach people to not smoke now.  Cool eh?  So that'll be good, I hope he really goes for it.  I want him to get his answer so bad.

Other nationalities either flogged or cancelled.

We find people on the street most often.  We ride up to some one on our bikes and I say "Hello! How are you today?"  Most of the time they just stare at us until they're far enough to just say "Alright." and keep walking.  Some people stop, and give reasonable answers.  Then I say "We're the missionaries in Wolverhampton (or wherever I am at the moment (Willenhall, Wednesfield.. mostly Wolverhampton.)) and we're just out today asking people if they have a belief in God. Do you, sir?"  Then we get all kinds of answers and based on what they say we go from there.  Sometimes it's a "Hello sir!" "I'm busy." "Oh okay! Well, can we get your phone number so we can call you later?" Haha.  Sometimes it works.  You'd be surprised what information you can get when you surprise people.  I'm pretty sure I could steal everyone's identities if I needed to.

The weather is nicer.

I don't ever have sushi. I would have sushi, but there isn't any here.  Because they suck.

You did tell me that Julie is probably starting at Waterford, but I don't think I responded because I meet a lot of people that will probably call me sometime later.  Or probably would like to hear about God.  Probably doesn't really peak my interest anymore.  I'm a black or white kind of person these days.  I'd love to hear if she really does have the job.  You'd love that.

That was all the question marks. Now I'll address your statements.

Mom! I've been here a year now! Crazy!  This time last year we were at Tucanos! This time next year can we be there as well? In fact, as soon as I get off the plane can we go there? England doesn't know food.

But hey! Thursday is my year mark!  And yes. Things happen on year marks.  Elder Allred and I are going to get together and burn a shirt! Woo! (It's tradition.  6 Months: Burn a tie. 12 Months: Burn a shirt. 18 Months: Burn some trousers. 24 Months: Burn everything except what you're taking home.)  I didn't do the tie, and I wont be doing the trousers unless I have some ripped up ones. Which I might. I have a stained shirt that I'll be sending off this Thursday.  I think I'll probably go and get some Chicken Tikka meat with Garlic Mayo and Spici Chili sauce all over it from the chippy right by me as well.  Yum.

It's also Ange's birthday on Wednesday. That was a rough day a year ago.  If you get the chance, tell her Happy Birthday from me. (And probably you, too.)  I'm slowly getting more and more comfortable with my decision.  I still don't like it.  But I don't think I will, so I'm just getting over it.  That's all I have to say about that. 

I think it's funny how much you love Elder Dyches.  I've shaken his hand before.  Neener neener.

Did I tell you about Elder Toshira though?  Look up every one of his talks.  He is amazing.  He came and talked to us a couple weeks ago.  He's the European Area President, and he and his wife are pretty much the coolest.

Forgive Dad, it wasn't his fault.

This week was rough with the missionary work.  To be completely honest, we just were discouraged when we'd ride all the way out to some one's flat, and they weren't there, or they'd text us and cancel, then we have to go back to what we do for the rest of the day, which is find. And finding is pretty discouraging.  Probably one in four people talk to us, one in four of those stop and say more than three words and have a conversation with us, probably about 75% of those we make an appointment with, and of those, probably one in six hold the appointment, and then about 75% of those invite us back.  So we don't have super good odds, but it's about the best odds we have of all our finding, unfortunately.  So while you pray that I can find people to teach, will you also pray that I can overcome the discouragement?  Thanks Mom.

Peru will be so cool.  I'm way jealous.

You're right about Uncle Doug.  I was wrong.  (Soak it in.  This is the first time I've ever been wrong, and it'll probably be the last.)

I'm not as sure people even sort of care that I'm originally from England.  Thanks for the idea though!  I like hearing what you think people would like to hear.  Give me some more ideas!

The "Special Mission" that Hailey went on is pretty common over here.  They're called mini-missions and most eighteen year old boys go on one before they go on their real mission over here.  Basically they just go live with the missionaries in their ward for a week, and do missionary work.   It's fun.  I haven't got to do it with some one yet.  But maybe!

She'll go somewhere super cool though. I'm excited to hear where!

Does Jamey have an awesome beard still?

The divorce news is the best news.  I'm really glad that's final.  Is everything good with it? Tell me some details on it, please.

It sounds like your life is pretty good right now.  Keep it up.  Good lives are good.

Nigel.  He's the best car.  Not really, but he's super reliable, and I liked him a lot.  Sitting in the driver's seat of that car is like one of my most relaxed places in the entire world.  I miss driving a lot.  A lot a lot. Bikes are good, and my legs look really fit, but I want a car so dang bad.  Cars are the best things. I do love Nigel a lot.  How much did you sell him for? Ten dollars? Twenty?

That's basically my life right now.  I have the best present in the world for Eli.  Don't tell anyone, and sorry I'm just going to have to do it, cause it will make his whole life, but this kid in my ward showed me that you can buy one square foot of land in Scotland, and it gives you the title of Lord.  So he'll be Lord Eli of Sandy, or something like that.  He'll die.  I have to figure out when his birthday is though.  Cause I definitely have no idea.  I think it's in March sometime.  I email with his Dad every once in a while so I'll just ask him.

Anyways, I love you!

Have a grand week!

Love,

Elder Smart