Dear Mother,

 

Transfers.  They happened.  I stayed in Wolverhampton and Elder Shepherd went out to Merthy Tydfil.  I told him that it was Grandma's favorite place.  Elder Allred and Palmer both stayed and I was happy about that.  Elder Dutton stayed here and Elder Taylor didn't want to be a Zone Leader anymore, so he went to Worcester. My new Zone Leader is Elder Turney and he is everything you could ever want in life. He told me to write that.  I like him a lot though.  He's from Reading, and pretty cool. The sisters were split up, and Sister Cook is training a new missionary from England called Sister Summersell.  She's nice. She's from Grimsby which is north east of here.

 

I think my President has sent me, to me.  Elder Baker is awesome, but we're pretty dang similar.  I really like him.  He's a good missionary, relaxed, nice, intelligent and a bit arrogant.  He's from Castlerock, Colorado which is a little bit south of Denver apparently.  He's been out for twenty months, and he'll probably stay here the rest of his mission.. we'll see.  He's got this transfer and two other ones left, so it would make sense for him to stay.  I'm hoping we get to stay together for two transfers, because I realised that I've only stayed with a companion for longer than one transfer when I got trained and when I trained.  I think Elder Baker and I will break that trend.  But if that's true, I'll probably be here this transfer and next, and then he'll introduce the area to another missionary before he goes home.  Elder Baker is the district leader, so I'm still junior companion which is funny to me after training a new missionary.  But everything is good.  We're going to get a lot done, and for the first time since I left Tamworth, I think I'm going to like my companion a lot.  That's mean.  I liked my companions. Except maybe one.  But Elder Baker and I get along really well.  He plays Ice Hockey back home, he's the youngest of two boys, like Eli, and he's just a cool guy.  He looks like he's sixteen, but so do I, so that's okay.  I'm happy.

 

Wales isn't quite the ideal spot.  It's just different than England.  So I hear a lot of missionaries that have only been in Wales kind of want to come to England, and vice versa. 

 

Our investigators.  What a joke.  Basically nothing happened this week.  Except for Janet and Ray.  We went and let Shepdawg say good bye on Tuesday, and then me and Elder Baker (and a male member) went over and taught Janet on Friday.  She told us that she believes that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and that the priesthood has been restored to the Earth.. but.. she's just been an Anglican so long, and she's a strong Anglican.  We don't get it.  At all.  We challenged her to ask God, and she texted us the next day and told us that she got her answer from God that she needs to stay Anglican.  I wanted to slap her.  She still wants to have "Bible Study" with us (that's what she calls our appointments) but.. she's set on staying Anglican.

 

Basically we don't have anything going on right now.  We're going to just go past this middle man for Matt and Hailey, cause it's taking too long.  So hopefully I'll have an update on them next week.

 

Other than that. Nothing.  We will be finding all this week. Funnnnnn..

 

Mom, you're not allowed to move.  You've already paid for the house.  Unless we all move to New Zealand, like we planned on Christmas.  That's okay, but I get to help pick out the new house. New house, New Zealand.  But yeah, Kasandra emails me as well, I'm pretty bad at emailing back.. but.. we email sometimes.  She's very girly with her fonts and colors and sizes and stuff.  Sorry.. you get regular writing.  I'm not a girl. Thank goodness, too, I'd be an ugly girl.

 

I would love to go to Lincoln.  One of my good friends just got transferred out there.  His name is Elder McFarland, and he's in my MTC group.  Tell Mark to call up President Rasmussen and refer me to Lincoln.  Do you think that would work?

 

I never told you about Elder Dyches, cause he was pretty boring.  Sorry.  I went in with really high hopes.. and.. basically he didn't say anything better than what my President says.  So.. nothing really special.  He basically talked to us like we had the same mission as Mexico or Ghana or somewhere.  We don't. Stick to how much you love him already, and don't listen to me.  I liked his wife a lot more.  Maybe she writes his General Conference talks.

 

I'll probably go to the seventeen-year-old Sunday School class if Art's teaching it.

 

I haven't been to Whitwick Manor, in fact, I've never even heard of it.  But we're looking for stuff to do, so maybe we'll go check it out sometime.  I have seen the statue though.  Generally there's a bunch of Born Agains and Muslims right by it.  Speaking of which, we had one Born Again guy follow us around the other day when we were walking through town.  He was fun.  He was telling us about how having many wives was a sin and that we were part of a cult and how we needed to repent.  I'm still wondering what I need to repent of, and as for the wives.. I only have a few. I think God will understand.

 

I feel better.. but I still have a super runny nose and a bit of a cough still.  It's never going away, and I've just accepted it.  I've caught a case of England.

 

Remy has a Kitty, I had an Easter Bunny.  We're going to be best friends.

 

I feel bad about Lori's dad.  Death sucks.  I do remember him. He was a cool dude.

 

We eat at members' houses almost every night.  Generally like five times a week. We play basketball on Saturday mornings, and invite investigators and less-actives, so that there's a reason. Sometimes we play on P days but it's just out of the way, so we usually don't.  Members don't give referrals.  I understand though.  Think about all your nonmember friends.  There isn't millions are there?  All your friends are members. Same with people here.  But yeah.. it's a bit rough going.

 

I'm planning on buying some clothes, but Elder Baker told me that he tried to get his trousers he bought from Men's Warehouse tailored and he said that when they looked at the trousers, it would cost like £35 per pair.  That's not worth it.  I still wear them, don't worry, but I don't think I'll get them tailored.  The suit thing is a work in progress.  I've been studying the stores around here, and figuring out what I like.  I'll get one soon enough.  Don't worry.  I'm just in the middle of my mission.. I just don't really need super nice clothes.  I'll get a bunch right before I come home.

 

People from Wolverhampton go to Preston.  People from Leamington had the choice of either, and people from Tamworth go to Preston.

 

I miss Dad a lot too.  I think about all the funny things he'd tell me every week.  It's a good thing I don't have to write him as well, cause I think you two would be the only ones that got letters.  It takes me forever to answer all your questions.  I love it though.  I don't feel like we've skipped a beat since I left.  You don't feel like you're living this with me as much as you want to, but I think you are.  I read my patriarchal blessing every Monday, and it says that if I live close to the Spirit I'll hear Dad prompting me to do things as well, but I haven't felt him.  That makes me sad, cause it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.. but.. I guess I just haven't needed him yet.  Hopefully soon.  I'll keep you up to date.

 

I love you Momma.  I'll send some pictures next week.  Sorry, I've been kind of lazy about that for a while.  I miss you, and I love you a lot.  Thanks for being a good Mom.

 

Love,

Elder Smart

 

Mom,

 

I'm not dying, or dead. I promise.  I still have the sniffles and a dry cough.  I'm almost sure that I had a sinus infection, because for like three days (a week and a bit ago) the area right beneath my right eye killed and would give me some pretty bad head aches.  That's gone away though, so I think my body just handled it.  Immune systems.. pretty cool.  But mine is probably pretty low right now.  I've decided to drink loads more water, and I have a clementine with about every single meal, because they're delicious, and they're packed full of vitamin C. Which helps you not have a cold in the future.  So I'm still sick.. but I'm not sure that I'm going to go to a doctor.  I'm much too lazy to do that.

 

I know you're my Mom and a pretty dang good mom, but I really don't think I need to.  If the sniffles and cough haven't gone away in a week, then I'll call Sister Rasmussen.  And she'll probably tell me that I'm fine.  Cause I am.

 

I'm always right. Remember?

 

Tommy Cooper. Super super boring.  But Elder Shepherd and Ray trying to tell jokes to each other? Super hilarious.  Ray will tell us a lame Tommy joke, and I'll laugh cause of just how not funny it is, and then Shepdawg will laugh cause I'm laughing, while Janet is rolling on the ground laughing.  Then Shepherd will tell the only jokes he knows, which are Chuck Norris jokes.  They're stupid in the States, where they make sense, but to a 70 year old Englishman, they make no sense at all, so Shepherd then explains the joke, and I laugh my head off, because nobody is actually funny. But they're hilarious.

 

I was pretty bold with them this week.  I got bored of talking about how much they love the bible and so I asked them questions about the origins of their church, and how reformation could never bring about the fulness of the Gospel.  Only restoration.  I don't think Janet liked what I was saying, but she saw where I was coming from, Ray told me he just didn't understand, and I think it's mostly cause he didn't want to.  So, probably next week we'll show them the seventeen attributes of Christ's church in the Bible.  I don't think anything will change them, and I'm running out of ideas, so we'll probably have to drop them sometime soon, but they come to church every week, and love having us over, so that'll be tough.  We'll see.

 

Caroline had to cancel the appointment because her children were sick or something.  She said she'd call us for another appointment.  (That's never the truth, so we'll be calling her this week to set something up.) I don't think that's going anywhere either.  Hopefully though.  She seemed sincere.

 

We went and talked to Liam (Born Again) yesterday.  He's a really really cool guy.  He even fed us some really good dinner, but we parted ways last night.  He had a book of things that "Christians" wouldn't agree with that Mormons believed.  He ended up telling us that because we believed that God was once a man, and that we too could become Godlike, we weren't true Christians and that we were going to Hell.  Damned.  He told us he felt really bad because we had warm sweet hearts, but that we were basically brainwashed.  I get really worked up after appointments like that, mostly cause the whole time we're in them I just want to argue, but I know it's useless.  So after I have to rant to my companion.  I really don't understand why I'm going to hell.  He contradicted himself over and over.  In his book, all I have to do is confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and then I'm saved.  For some reason if I believe in a God that wants us to learn and progress, that means I'm damned.  So, even though works don't actually matter in his book, because of my work, I'm going to hell.  Awesome.  Bible says that you can't get into the Kingdom of Heaven without being borne of water? Yepp, but you can disregard something straight from Christ's mouth cause Paul says that only faith is needed. If you've got some time, read Matthew 7:21.  That puts an end to that. Oh well.  Liam's cool, and we gave him a Book of Mormon and challenged him to read and pray about it, but he probably wont. Agency, right?

 

No luck on the family yet.  We should probably text the middle man again.  We did last week and he told us that his appointment fell through with them because the mom had to go into work unexpectadly.  I'm getting to the point where I think we'll just go back over ourselves and stop trying to work through this Andy guy.  It probably wont happen this week though, because transfers screws everything up.  Oh. Right.  Transfers are this week.  We find out tonight what's happening.  I'll be super surprised if I leave Wolverhampton, or if Elder Shepherd doesn't.  He's been here for ages, and President basically promised him that he was moving at Interviews a couple weeks ago.  So I'll probably have a new companion next week.  Hopefully our district stays relatively the same.  Elder Allred and Palmer are hilarious, and me and Allred are really really tight.  I love that kid.  He was in my MTC district, and I thought he was the most interesting person in the world.  We get along really really well, so I really hope he doesn't move.  We think the zone leader that I was talking about last time will move as well.  But we're not sure.  I wouldn't mind him going.  Elder Dutton.  His companion, Elder Taylor is really cool though, and I hope he doesn't go.  The sisters.. are kind of irrelevant.  One of them is training though, so that'll be interesting.  With Shepherd going, we'll need a new district leader though.  Palmer wont be it, he goes home in a transfer, and he was a DL before but asked to not be anymore. President really doesn't like Allred.  I know I talk about President not liking people much, but there is some kind of vendetta against Allred.  So he wont go DL either, so it'll either be me or my new companion.  We'll see. I wouldn't mind.  I think DL could be fun, zone leader less so (but you get a car, and I would really like that), and I never ever want to be an Assistant.  Their lives suck.

 

I do the color code thing with everyone.  I haven't even read the dang book, but you infused that into me pretty well.  Yes, Shepherd is white. But he hates that he is, I think.  Dutton is more red than anything.  He's just really sly about it.  I'm still red. But I think you're right.  I listen a lot better now.  I don't really get along with white though.  At least not Shepherd white.  Laura and I are like two peas in a pod, but Shepherd and I.. not as much.  I think he might have slight Aspbergers.  He just really doesn't know how to handle social situations, and generally just tries to side with whoever he thinks is dominant in the situation.  He has about the best memory of anyone I've ever met, but that doesn't help with the social stuff.  He's always saying "Remember that one time.." and I'm like, "Yeah, it was ten minutes ago." and he'll laugh so so hard.  I'm usually pretty nice about it.  But I've definitely stopped laughing at things that aren't funny.  I think he noticed.  We're pretty neutral.  I wouldn't choose him as a companion, but I don't dislike it either.  Apparently he expressed the neutrality to Allred (who told me).  Oh well. It was a lot better than my three transfers before this one.

 

So I'm going into my eighth transfer out of seventeen.  And, including the MTC, I've had six companions and I'll probably be getting a new one on Wednesday.  The only time I've stayed with anyone longer than one transfer has been when I was trained and when I trained.  I hope I get some one that I really like this time, and we stay together for a while.

 

We're coming up to a year pretty soon.  And Mother's Day, so I'll be talking to you again pretty soon.  But the mission is rushing by.  Almost slipping.  That scares me.  But at the same time, I feel like I've been out here for years.

I'm still an arguer.  Sorry.  I wrote Eli and told him that I miss arguing about stupid things with him.  He told me that he felt the same way and that he was with an Elder Pushover as well.

 

I'm going to send a box.  I already bought loads of chocolate to send you.  I just hate pulling out personal funds.  It's almost taboo to me.  I think that's why I haven't really bought anything out here.  I'll get a suit soon.  I'm trying to figure out what I want in a suit.  I like blue.  I think that's what I'll get. But maybe light grey.  We'll see.  I want to see the the styles for 2014 before I make a decision.

 

I got your recent package and was very excited.  I'm currently wearing the shirt.  Thank you so much!  But.. you don't need to send me clothes.  There's a lot of clothes here.  I'll just buy them here.  I don't think I'm a 36 anymore.  These white shirts are super baggy.  I'm wanting to get a few nice fitted ones while I'm here.  I'm tired of baggy clothes.  My favorite trousers are destroyed though.  I've worn them too much, and they have massive holes, that I can't justify any longer.  So I'll be getting the suit trousers tailored soon.  There's a little place in city centre.

 

I have two pairs of shoes that I wear.  The really good Eccos that you bought me, and a pair that Elder Houghton didn't want.  The handmedown pair is very stylish and pointy, but cheaply made, so they're starting to fall apart.  The eccos are just getting worn out.  I'll buy some new ones soon.  ish.  I only want to buy one more pair of those while I'm on my mission. I'm getting better waterproofed ones next time though.

 

Tell the home teachers hi.

 

Brother Maurer belongs on the General YM Presidency.  He's amazing in that calling.

 

You and Brooke are such girls. Pink and white iPhones.  Nice.  I don't mind that I'm cancelled.  Can I still be apart of the plan when I get home though? and can I have a pink iPhone? Okay, maybe not pink.  But what's your plan with me when I get back?

 

Nigel was such an amazing car.  You should have a funeral-esque service when you sell him.  Or you can just roll around in the cash that you get for him, like we did with the money for Sugarplum.  (You'll probably want to get it exchanged for $1 Dollar bills to have the same effect.) 

 

Remy sounds hilarious.  We're going to be best friends. Same with Stockton and Tess.

 

I feel bad for John Swallow, but I respect him for stepping down because of dishonesty.  Hopefully some one else didn't tell him to do it.  He was a good baseball coach either way.  Although his son is kind of a tool.

 

Gay people. They're so gay.

 

Anyways that's my life right now.  I'll tell you what happened to me next Monday.  Today is our District P Day though and we're going out to an all-you-can-eat asian restaurant.  (Thanks Dad.)  I'm pretty excited.  I'll probably explode from eating too much. That sounds like a perfect way to go.

 

I love you Mom!

Have a great week, and maybe I'll see the doctor.  Probably not.

 

Love,

Elder Smart

 

PS I never claimed that that movie would be any good.  And honestly I don't really have any concept of the plot of it.  Those twelve hour shifts were like the worst time of my life.  I don't know if I've ever been so depressed before or since.  But generally I was in a black coat, and for half the time I was in yellow snowpants and for the other half they were just black as well. I hope you saw my legs.  That would make my life.  We'll have to watch it again when I get home.  Haha poor you.

You alright Mum,

 

Yes.  Send those bubble drawings to me.  Remy is a genius.  Can she read too?  Does she say bippo? 

 

Aaron has more restraint than me I think.  I think I would just have to get the punch in the face out of the way.  I know lawsuits and everything.. but I think that's what I need to get over it.  Just one clean punch to the nose, and then it's over.  No extraodinary violence, but if he got a bloody nose, I might smile a bit. I think I'm not only frustrated about all the things he did to Brooke, but also, just like letting me down.  I looked up to him a lot.  You already know that.  But it's just.. disappointing to me.  Nothing quite like the frustration that I'm sure Brooke feels, but still substantial in my nearly twenty year life experience window.

 

I know you want this amazing list of people that I'm teaching right now and everything.. but to be frank, I'm somewhat disappointed with my investigators right now.  We're teaching these two old people that absolutely love us, but I don't think they're going to change anything in their life, which means we should drop them, but honestly we're afraid of just breaking their little hearts. Especially Shepdawg.  He loves them. I, on the other hand, am quite bored with them.  They're nice enough, but they just tell Tommy Cooper jokes the whole time we're there, and I think Tommy Cooper might've been the most unfunny person on the whole planet.  But they worship this guy.  I don't even know him, and actually he might be funny, but the jokes that Raymond (his name, and hers is Janet) the jokes that Ray picks out are awful.  English people are always very quick to say that Americans don't understand their humor, but I think the real problem is that we absolutely do, and it's just plain not funny.  This is an isolated experience, but really. Just not funny. I generally laugh though, just because of how terrible they are (not morally or anything). Like Dad's but even worse.  Plus as Ray recites these jokes for the umpteenth time, Janet is just howling cause she thinks it's so funny.  I think they're lonely.  They're not married and they don't live together, but they do absolutely everything together.

 

So that's them.

 

Our only real other investigators right now, we got this week, and they're not solid.  One is a woman from Zimbabwe, named Caroline, and she's really cool, but it sounds like she buys into social religion.  By that I mean, the only reason she goes to church is because her friends do, and that's time to talk.  She seems sincere that if she got an answer that she needed to do something else in her life, she would follow it.  But.. maybe I lack faith.  I have my doubts.  We're seeing her again on Friday.

 

Another is a born-again guy, that basically is just trying to figure out why mormons are going to hell.  He knows that much.  What he can't figure out is why.  We're just too good.  He's a really sincere guy, and he's basically just trying to do the same thing we're trying to do. So, I think we neutralize each other.  But hopefully he'll take up our offer to actually try a few things, and then hopefully the Spirit is there to back us up.  But he's "experienced" so many different healings, and gifts of the spirit, that I think he's convinced that he's found the right way.  Born agains are really good people.  They just can't imagine there is anything other than the bible.  Neither can the rest of the world though.  I like this guy though.  He's like 25ish, and really legitimate, just wrong.  His name is Liam though.

 

The family that I told you about last week.  My only update is this.  We called our middle-contact.  This guy named Andy that is in Harbourne ward (inner-city Birmingham) and he's going to go over tonight and just talk about what we do.  Then we'll go over and in a month or two, they'll be baptized.  I'm excited.  I want to get all this started with them though, cause they seem like really cool people.

 

This week we went on exchange with our Zone Leaders.  Elder Dutton came with me, and it was good.  To explain him, I'd say think of the most fancy purse, or bag or something you've seen, with nothing inside.  He's a good guy.  Just.. kind of empty. Boring. An awesome missionary though. But not much to talk about, even though we're into a lot of the same stuff, and he even went to Eli's Charter School.  He's from Riverton, so closeby too.. Just maybe.. to agreeable.  I hate that that's a thing.  I hate when people wont tell me I'm an idiot.  I don't like when people don't actually give me criticism.  That sounds weird.  But getting told a million times, "Oh man, you're a great Elder."  It's like, well thanks dude, but I know I didn't do everything right. I'm really not just being humble either. I think we both know that, don't we Mom?  Humility isn't one of my strong-suits.  (Is that the term? I don't know that I've actually ever written out that phrase.)

 

Agreeable people.  That's basically how Shepherd is too.  I could say the most outlandish weird thing, and he'd probably just side with me.  The difference between Dutton and Shephard is that Dutton is aiming to get somewhere by being so nice and agreeable, where I think Shephard is just trying to avoid any kind of disagreement.  Both just kind of annoying though.  I think I kind of miss Elder Lewis telling me that I was the strangest person he's ever met.  Cause he's right.  I'm a weirdo.  But I say something like "I'm going to only eat carrots for an entire week." to Shepherd, and he's like "Yeah, that's cool."  Not "What the crap is wrong with you?".  I need some one to argue with.  Like Eli.  I like to argue.  It's a bad thing.  Especially because I'm not supposed to do it.  But Muslims and J Dubs just want to so bad, and I have to say no. Sometimes I do it though, and it usually doesn't get me anywhere, but it's pretty fun.  You should see a Muslim's face when you tell them that God loves them just as much as Muhammed.  They don't like the sound of that. Or telling J Dubs that I celebrate Christmas and I think of my Savior and love having my family around me, and that I don't worship a Sun God on the 25th, and that the paganistic side of things doesn't exist anymore.  Or when you tell them that God is the same yesterday today and forever, and that if he worked through prophets at one time, he probably wouldn't change that.  Because he's the same.

 

It's bad.  I need Eli and Jake to argue with. I wonder if they're feeling that urge as well.  I'll ask them.  I don't know if I ever answered your question, but I do stay in contact with them. For the most part.  I should more.

 

Yes. I got everything that was supposed to be in the package and I loved it.  A lot.  I opened the first bag of Cheetohs yesterday, and reaffirmed my testimony that the best snack food that will ever exist has already been created.

 

I really liked the ties.  They're fun.

 

I've been bad at sending things home though.  I haven't done it yet.  I don't really feel like I have enough personal things.. so I'll just throw it in the box and send it.  I'm just kind of lazy about that I think.  It'll be 90% chocolate.

 

I would like that granola recipe, it's about all I eat for breakfast anymore, and I always buy it at the store, but I think I like yours about ten times as much.

 

I love packages.  You can send them to me anytime you want.

 

I'm glad at least one kid knows that a football tee is better than an ipad.

 

iPads are good though, and I'm getting pretty impatient about my President getting us ours, my cold isn't though.  It's still thriving with me going out in the rain at night, and getting soaked to the core.  Even when I have all my waterproof and everything on, my cold will never die.

 

Maybe I have pneumonia.  That'd be fun.

 

Dates sound nice.  I'll be honest.  I got sort of trunky over Christmas, and I wished I could go on a date with a girl.  A specific girl. But dates are fun.  I'm glad you got to use him for his money.  Haha and for him, and his personality or whatever. Unimportant things.

 

I would like some little posters.  I like his illustrations.

 

I think that's all.  I'm always writing your email for like a million years and then have no time to write anyone else.  I love you.

 

Love,

Elder Smart