Mom,

 

I'm not dying, or dead. I promise.  I still have the sniffles and a dry cough.  I'm almost sure that I had a sinus infection, because for like three days (a week and a bit ago) the area right beneath my right eye killed and would give me some pretty bad head aches.  That's gone away though, so I think my body just handled it.  Immune systems.. pretty cool.  But mine is probably pretty low right now.  I've decided to drink loads more water, and I have a clementine with about every single meal, because they're delicious, and they're packed full of vitamin C. Which helps you not have a cold in the future.  So I'm still sick.. but I'm not sure that I'm going to go to a doctor.  I'm much too lazy to do that.

 

I know you're my Mom and a pretty dang good mom, but I really don't think I need to.  If the sniffles and cough haven't gone away in a week, then I'll call Sister Rasmussen.  And she'll probably tell me that I'm fine.  Cause I am.

 

I'm always right. Remember?

 

Tommy Cooper. Super super boring.  But Elder Shepherd and Ray trying to tell jokes to each other? Super hilarious.  Ray will tell us a lame Tommy joke, and I'll laugh cause of just how not funny it is, and then Shepdawg will laugh cause I'm laughing, while Janet is rolling on the ground laughing.  Then Shepherd will tell the only jokes he knows, which are Chuck Norris jokes.  They're stupid in the States, where they make sense, but to a 70 year old Englishman, they make no sense at all, so Shepherd then explains the joke, and I laugh my head off, because nobody is actually funny. But they're hilarious.

 

I was pretty bold with them this week.  I got bored of talking about how much they love the bible and so I asked them questions about the origins of their church, and how reformation could never bring about the fulness of the Gospel.  Only restoration.  I don't think Janet liked what I was saying, but she saw where I was coming from, Ray told me he just didn't understand, and I think it's mostly cause he didn't want to.  So, probably next week we'll show them the seventeen attributes of Christ's church in the Bible.  I don't think anything will change them, and I'm running out of ideas, so we'll probably have to drop them sometime soon, but they come to church every week, and love having us over, so that'll be tough.  We'll see.

 

Caroline had to cancel the appointment because her children were sick or something.  She said she'd call us for another appointment.  (That's never the truth, so we'll be calling her this week to set something up.) I don't think that's going anywhere either.  Hopefully though.  She seemed sincere.

 

We went and talked to Liam (Born Again) yesterday.  He's a really really cool guy.  He even fed us some really good dinner, but we parted ways last night.  He had a book of things that "Christians" wouldn't agree with that Mormons believed.  He ended up telling us that because we believed that God was once a man, and that we too could become Godlike, we weren't true Christians and that we were going to Hell.  Damned.  He told us he felt really bad because we had warm sweet hearts, but that we were basically brainwashed.  I get really worked up after appointments like that, mostly cause the whole time we're in them I just want to argue, but I know it's useless.  So after I have to rant to my companion.  I really don't understand why I'm going to hell.  He contradicted himself over and over.  In his book, all I have to do is confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and then I'm saved.  For some reason if I believe in a God that wants us to learn and progress, that means I'm damned.  So, even though works don't actually matter in his book, because of my work, I'm going to hell.  Awesome.  Bible says that you can't get into the Kingdom of Heaven without being borne of water? Yepp, but you can disregard something straight from Christ's mouth cause Paul says that only faith is needed. If you've got some time, read Matthew 7:21.  That puts an end to that. Oh well.  Liam's cool, and we gave him a Book of Mormon and challenged him to read and pray about it, but he probably wont. Agency, right?

 

No luck on the family yet.  We should probably text the middle man again.  We did last week and he told us that his appointment fell through with them because the mom had to go into work unexpectadly.  I'm getting to the point where I think we'll just go back over ourselves and stop trying to work through this Andy guy.  It probably wont happen this week though, because transfers screws everything up.  Oh. Right.  Transfers are this week.  We find out tonight what's happening.  I'll be super surprised if I leave Wolverhampton, or if Elder Shepherd doesn't.  He's been here for ages, and President basically promised him that he was moving at Interviews a couple weeks ago.  So I'll probably have a new companion next week.  Hopefully our district stays relatively the same.  Elder Allred and Palmer are hilarious, and me and Allred are really really tight.  I love that kid.  He was in my MTC district, and I thought he was the most interesting person in the world.  We get along really really well, so I really hope he doesn't move.  We think the zone leader that I was talking about last time will move as well.  But we're not sure.  I wouldn't mind him going.  Elder Dutton.  His companion, Elder Taylor is really cool though, and I hope he doesn't go.  The sisters.. are kind of irrelevant.  One of them is training though, so that'll be interesting.  With Shepherd going, we'll need a new district leader though.  Palmer wont be it, he goes home in a transfer, and he was a DL before but asked to not be anymore. President really doesn't like Allred.  I know I talk about President not liking people much, but there is some kind of vendetta against Allred.  So he wont go DL either, so it'll either be me or my new companion.  We'll see. I wouldn't mind.  I think DL could be fun, zone leader less so (but you get a car, and I would really like that), and I never ever want to be an Assistant.  Their lives suck.

 

I do the color code thing with everyone.  I haven't even read the dang book, but you infused that into me pretty well.  Yes, Shepherd is white. But he hates that he is, I think.  Dutton is more red than anything.  He's just really sly about it.  I'm still red. But I think you're right.  I listen a lot better now.  I don't really get along with white though.  At least not Shepherd white.  Laura and I are like two peas in a pod, but Shepherd and I.. not as much.  I think he might have slight Aspbergers.  He just really doesn't know how to handle social situations, and generally just tries to side with whoever he thinks is dominant in the situation.  He has about the best memory of anyone I've ever met, but that doesn't help with the social stuff.  He's always saying "Remember that one time.." and I'm like, "Yeah, it was ten minutes ago." and he'll laugh so so hard.  I'm usually pretty nice about it.  But I've definitely stopped laughing at things that aren't funny.  I think he noticed.  We're pretty neutral.  I wouldn't choose him as a companion, but I don't dislike it either.  Apparently he expressed the neutrality to Allred (who told me).  Oh well. It was a lot better than my three transfers before this one.

 

So I'm going into my eighth transfer out of seventeen.  And, including the MTC, I've had six companions and I'll probably be getting a new one on Wednesday.  The only time I've stayed with anyone longer than one transfer has been when I was trained and when I trained.  I hope I get some one that I really like this time, and we stay together for a while.

 

We're coming up to a year pretty soon.  And Mother's Day, so I'll be talking to you again pretty soon.  But the mission is rushing by.  Almost slipping.  That scares me.  But at the same time, I feel like I've been out here for years.

I'm still an arguer.  Sorry.  I wrote Eli and told him that I miss arguing about stupid things with him.  He told me that he felt the same way and that he was with an Elder Pushover as well.

 

I'm going to send a box.  I already bought loads of chocolate to send you.  I just hate pulling out personal funds.  It's almost taboo to me.  I think that's why I haven't really bought anything out here.  I'll get a suit soon.  I'm trying to figure out what I want in a suit.  I like blue.  I think that's what I'll get. But maybe light grey.  We'll see.  I want to see the the styles for 2014 before I make a decision.

 

I got your recent package and was very excited.  I'm currently wearing the shirt.  Thank you so much!  But.. you don't need to send me clothes.  There's a lot of clothes here.  I'll just buy them here.  I don't think I'm a 36 anymore.  These white shirts are super baggy.  I'm wanting to get a few nice fitted ones while I'm here.  I'm tired of baggy clothes.  My favorite trousers are destroyed though.  I've worn them too much, and they have massive holes, that I can't justify any longer.  So I'll be getting the suit trousers tailored soon.  There's a little place in city centre.

 

I have two pairs of shoes that I wear.  The really good Eccos that you bought me, and a pair that Elder Houghton didn't want.  The handmedown pair is very stylish and pointy, but cheaply made, so they're starting to fall apart.  The eccos are just getting worn out.  I'll buy some new ones soon.  ish.  I only want to buy one more pair of those while I'm on my mission. I'm getting better waterproofed ones next time though.

 

Tell the home teachers hi.

 

Brother Maurer belongs on the General YM Presidency.  He's amazing in that calling.

 

You and Brooke are such girls. Pink and white iPhones.  Nice.  I don't mind that I'm cancelled.  Can I still be apart of the plan when I get home though? and can I have a pink iPhone? Okay, maybe not pink.  But what's your plan with me when I get back?

 

Nigel was such an amazing car.  You should have a funeral-esque service when you sell him.  Or you can just roll around in the cash that you get for him, like we did with the money for Sugarplum.  (You'll probably want to get it exchanged for $1 Dollar bills to have the same effect.) 

 

Remy sounds hilarious.  We're going to be best friends. Same with Stockton and Tess.

 

I feel bad for John Swallow, but I respect him for stepping down because of dishonesty.  Hopefully some one else didn't tell him to do it.  He was a good baseball coach either way.  Although his son is kind of a tool.

 

Gay people. They're so gay.

 

Anyways that's my life right now.  I'll tell you what happened to me next Monday.  Today is our District P Day though and we're going out to an all-you-can-eat asian restaurant.  (Thanks Dad.)  I'm pretty excited.  I'll probably explode from eating too much. That sounds like a perfect way to go.

 

I love you Mom!

Have a great week, and maybe I'll see the doctor.  Probably not.

 

Love,

Elder Smart

 

PS I never claimed that that movie would be any good.  And honestly I don't really have any concept of the plot of it.  Those twelve hour shifts were like the worst time of my life.  I don't know if I've ever been so depressed before or since.  But generally I was in a black coat, and for half the time I was in yellow snowpants and for the other half they were just black as well. I hope you saw my legs.  That would make my life.  We'll have to watch it again when I get home.  Haha poor you.